Been a while/ Click here to ask me anything.

the reason its been a while is because i got so rapt up in a boy again and i let him crush me. its not like i didnt do wrong because i did but its over now. and now im making a new start and im happy, its been a few months i went away and now im back and happyer than anything.

Ask me anything on Formspring :)

the beating hearts prade.

I guess I don't understand anymore.
Its just numb.
And sad.
Sometimes, being fake happy feels so close to happy.
But its not.
The only happy I have is with him
Its the closest I've been.
I don't know why I shut off everything.
But I did.
I closed out my emotions.
Just to prove that im stronger.
But im not.
Im weak.
Im the weakest one.
The link easyest to break.
I need to snap and snap soon.

Deepression?
That's what the doctor orderd.

stardust,

thankyou, thankyou god. thankyou for everything. thankyou.
thankyou girls for proving to me that your compleatly stupid.
thankyou for losing my trust, i cant believe id give it to people like you.
thankyou for showing me who my real friend are.

peace

anger builds, on the brink of my tears

why dont they tell us?
why do they say that the human race is kind?
when were all just filthy lying dogs.
i love how, once apon a time we had eachothers backs, now were just spineless.
that once apon a time was last week. before her and her stupid boyfriend came between us,
i guess im glad they did them doing so proved to me how low you actully are. how you never really had my back.

im also very lucky in this case, its proving who my real friends are who the people are who will always have my back.
theres one person, in my life who has never walked out on me, one person who ive never fought with one person who through everything no matter who my fight was with, one person who has always had my back. amy scott. my sister. your my world. thankyou, god for sending me an angel.


boyfriend; i havent spoken to you in 3 days. i miss you.

this is where your book begins,

Talk to me, when no one else is around but when everyones around ignore me. Cos that's what real friends do.

I think your pathetic. You and your little group of friends. If you can even call them that. Laugh at me and tease me I like to read and that is something I am not ashamed of. You should be ashamed of yourself, your bearly passing school. Good luck in the future.

im really sick of,

People right now. Im sick of how pathetic people are that they want to drag up my past and bitch and complain about me. I dislike alot of things right now but im sick of seeing peoples comments to eachother about me, like yeah use a code name for me but your just plain stupid if you don't think I know who H****Y is, cos the person you've commented it to explained to me why they call me that. So yeah it makes you look stupid and immature and how you post bulitens about me calling me a lier when, I've (a) never lied to you, (b) you lie all the time, (c) I never said what you accused me of saying. So yeah I love how you have it all wrong but you think your so fucking right.

Gahh, im just really over losing friends. Im over losing people who's backs I've had all the time, im sick of being called a cheat and a lier im sick of being taken forgranted. What about all the times I covered for you. I stole you shit. I used the money you stole to by you stuff. Things I did for you. What about when all your other friends dogged you and you don't live there anymore so you couldent defend your self. What about how I got you an job and how I came to walk you home on your first day?
What about when you thought your pop was gonna die, and you couldent go say goodbye.
Just think back to all of this and relise what a good true friend you've lost. Were never gonna be the same again.

So quit the dogging. Cos I can dish it out worse.
----------------------
Now that my little rant is over........
----------------
Im slowly relising who my true friends are, who are the people who actully care about me and have my back. Who the people are who will really always be here for me.

sick of the self centered-ness

I did something nice for you.

The least you could do is listen to me.




I miss the way we used to be.

slipknot in science,

Fuck it all fuck this shit fuck that I even put up with it.

No really.
I can't be near you.
Im really begining to take a distane to you. You've become such a pain. Ignoring me and inturupting my covosations to talk to the other people. Im reallllly sick of it.

I loved you but our times over.
Forever.
Goodbye my friend.

deepression

That's what the doctor said.

Why?

I really hate,

How you don't call me your girlfriend, or your other half or your significant other or any pet names. I hate how im just tarni.

Show me love. In its deepest forms.

babies,

Everyone I know seems to be having one.

Teach me a lesson or two in Life,

Got a new job, at Gloria Jeans. I guess I've always really wanted to work there :) its so lively and bright. Im sad to be leaving The Happy Cloud Cafe tho id formed such a close bond to it.

New starts.
Two months of The Man. Amazing. Jamess <33

I killed my YABC chance yesterday. I've never been the nervous type of person but I guess I've been waiting for my audition spot for two years. And I failed massivley, I cryed on stage and my make up ran. I landed heavly, lost my breath multipl times, and yeah when they were asking me questions I almost collapsed. So yeah FML.
On a happyer peforming note, I'll be starting BrightStars this term :)

I think I have OCD, or something I rearange my room every few weeks. And my posters like alomost every day.
And I think I need to go to AA meetings because of my myspace lurking habbits.

I love hayley, she's my like rock. I know we've had our ups and downs but at the end of the day I can call her and vent to her really well she knows secrets about me that no one else does and I love her for always listening.

Take care, Readers.
X

1234, tell me that you love me more

Hello Friends,
Its been a great deal of time since i've blogged. I've just been so caught up in the game we call life, that I compleatly forgot about this.

Last time I wrote was after my big night at Heathers Party, that was a good night and I think ill always remember what I can of it. I learnt alot about myself that night and I made some pretty major disisions.

Like James, we started going out at Heathers, that was a good thing.
So yeah, about two months ago was my last post and ALOT has changed.

the urge to write

all of a sudden i have thid urge to write, this urge to feel my fingers pressing away at the key board really fast. but all i can think of to write is his name.
im so worried, i've let you play your games with me before but this time i let you cross my line. i let you walk over the border so please dont dissapoint me. i think im going to let go and fall in love with you so please dont hurt me.


urge to write gone.

I Wish I Was A Little Bit Taller

hello from america,
how are we all on this lovely and very confusing day?

hmmm, i miss brisbane.
and i never thought i would.

i miss jordi, but like i dont miss her in normal amounts i miss her in this big huge amount like a lump stuck in my throte.

i miss dale. and i keep having dreams about him.
there odd.



i miss you all. but mostly jordi.
nightys x

hey,
this is going to be great.
im off to america tomorow.
and i miss jordi & dale already...


bye xox

thinking

okay well i was thinking alot last night and ive come to the conclusion to move on,
and get over him.
he cant tell me im not good enough for him,
because he has never dated anyone better.
im not going to be treated like shit anymore.
im going to move on and enjoy the single life and be happy.
im going to focus on me being happy because i dont want to get deepressed anymore
and i dont want to have to hide my wrists in shame.

people keep telling me im beautiful and ive desided i want to listen to them and believe it myself.

thats enough for now,
america in 8 days cant wait :)
xo

heartbreak and 22's

i know i dont matter anymore.
and i know that you dont love me.
and i know your sick of hearing it.

but heres the day you hoped would never come.
the day where i have no more interest in living.
the day where being dead doesnt bother me.

somewhere someone will read this and they will be worried.
and yes i proberly have something wrong with me but i cant worry about it.
theres so much going on.
i should be greatfull.
i am greatfull.
im going to america next monday.
thats come around a whole lot fast.

the papercuts the cheating lovers the coffees never strong enough.
bye bye baby its just text book stuff.
its in the a.b.c of growing up
now now darling now dont kill yourself
cos none of us were angels
and you know i love you, yeah?


im sick of this, i really am.
if im not occupying myself then im crying.
this morning i was woken after i had another dream about him, i woke in tears and went for a walk around my bestmates suburb. i had no idea what i was doing. i was in my pj's i have no control over where i cry and where i dont.
im so scared to see him on tuesday.

ive learnt to admit my mistakes.

im not okay.

im not okay.
im seriously not okay.

i feel sick all the time.
im having hot flushes.
and i have no emotions.
i feel like crying all the time and i honestly cant see myself being happy ever again.

you took EVERYTHING i had.

And now, at home in my 'west wing'

eating ham & cheese sandwiches, drinking cups of tea, sucking on peanut brittle. yum.
jordis over.... again
the girl should just move in here. it would be alot more fun.
im reading the six rules of indulgence.
1. Control cravings: Complete deprivation is not the solution. A denied craving can quickly spiral out of control, leading to bingeing or overeating. If you're craving fries or chips, for example, eat a small serving of fries, or buy the mini 150-calorie bag of chips and be done with it.
2. Indulge sensibly: Splurging on occasion is acceptable -- just don't get carried away!
3. Avoid stocking treats in your cabinets or fridge: Buy something only when the craving hits and enjoy a small quantity. Then share or trash the rest.
4. Mix it up: Try eating something healthier thing along with the less-nutritious food, like a piece of fruit with your cheesecake. By eating the fruit first, you'll dull your appetite and be less likely to wolf down a second slice of the cheesecake
5. Count calories: Compare the amount of fat and calories found in healthy, filling snacks vs. less-healthful foods. For instance, a medium apple contains just 338 kilojoules and no fat; and a container of low-fat fruit yogurt provides 966 kilojoules and 2 grams of fat.
6. Focus on fat: Take extra care to read labels, there are lots of hidden bad fats in packaged foods. Take extra care with hidden processed fats which have been shown to raise your LDL (bad) cholesterol level. The Heart Association recommends limiting the amount of processed (trans) fat you eat to less than 1 percent of your total daily calories. To maintain your weight, no more than 25 percent of daily calories should come from fat.
and thank you cosmo.....
that was pretty interesting rightt.....

is didnt say anything about tea so up those cups.
i love tea if anyone ever wants to make me one i have it strong one sugar and a tea spoon of milk. thanks.

love you guys goodnight.
(i bet no one reads this, im so sad)